


connected by a feeling

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:04:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6938905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are kind of in love, and I kind of wanted to write about it. hastily-written-self-indulgent-2009/2010-fluff ahoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	connected by a feeling

_I love you_ happens on a Tuesday night in early December. 

It's been a good day. They walked around town and on the train they stood so close that Phil let his arm go around Dan and when it got all crowded Dan was jammed right up against him. And they went to Starbucks and Phil paid for his drink and asked for the barista to make one with caramel drizzle in the shape of a heart and blushed when he handed it to Dan just like he's blushing now. 

"Really?" Dan asks, wanting to believe it and needing to hear it again. 

Phil's eyes are bright and scared and eager and Dan knows he's never said that to anyone else before. They've talked about it during one of those many-houred Skype calls, back before they even met, when they were still testing the waters between them. 

Dan's said it. He's said it a lot of times, almost daily. He's said it and he's meant it and he knows the freedom of it and the terror of it and how it's only scary to start with and then it just becomes words, a token, a reminder. He knows what it feels like to say it without even realizing he doesn't mean it anymore and how it can turn into desperation on his tongue.

But he's never said it to Phil and Phil's never said it to anyone else and Dan's heart beats triple time and he's smiling, a smile that matches the one on Phil's face. 

Phil ducks his head down shy. "Yeah, I mean. I hope-" 

"I love you, too." Dan says it all in a rush. 

Phil just grins at him. 

* 

"Why do you love me?" Dan asks. 

Bed is cozy and their own little world. 

Phil is soft like this. His eyes are soft, his mouth is soft. His fingers trail a soft touch down Dan's cheek. Dan feels loved and treasured like he's something delicate. Maybe he is, and Phil is just the only person who has ever known how to handle him in a way that makes him feel like one day he could be strong. 

"Because," Phil says. "Because I just do. You make me feel like..." 

Phil struggles with words and how to say them. Dan struggles with words and how not to say them. Just looking at Phil makes every thought he's ever had threaten to spill out of his head. 

"I get it," Dan says. 

He leans in and kisses Phil. He keeps a little space between them at first, then goes in to press against Phil's bottom lip. Phil sighs and Dan opens his mouth and slots it just right and suddenly it's deeper and it's open and wet and they're both falling into it.

"Yeah," Phil says, nodding giddily when Dan pulls away. "Like that." 

* 

Phil's the bravest boy in the world, and Dan's the most in love he's ever been because Phil just stood in front of his parents and said that Dan was going to move to Manchester and that Phil wants to get his own flat and after Dan's first year they were going to live together. 

He said it so firmly with his eyes fixed on his dad's, like he was waiting for a challenge. They're still waiting, Dan by his side because Phil was so very afraid of what his parents might say and he'd wanted Dan with him and a three hour train ride is nothing these days, not when he's got that heady feeling of being needed by Phil. 

Dan didn't think he needed to worry. He thinks there's probably no way Phil's parents don't know what's really going on, what with the number of times Dan's come to stay and the way the bed in the guest room always goes unused. But Dan understands being afraid and he knows how much Phil loves his parents and how even the chnace that they might not approve would devastate him.

The rebuke he's fearing never comes. His dad nods and his mum smiles and fixed his fringe gap and then congratulates Dan for getting into university. 

"Young love," Phil's mum sighs. 

She's teasing them. Dan doesn't care. They are young, and they are in love. They are also reckless, because Phil doesn't have a real job yet and his parents will have to help him with money, and Dan could have had an easier time of it if he'd picked a uni closer to home but this is what he wants. Not to study law, not really, but to be near Phil and feel like all the future plans they liked to make weren't just curling wisps of dream disappearing into the clouds. 

"Yeah," Phil says, and holds tight to Dan's hand. 

* 

Phil doesn't know why Dan is crying. 

Dan barely knows why himself. 

Phil does know just how to hold him, though. He pets Dan's hair and keeps Dan tight in his arms and Dan can't see the bewilderment on Phil's face, or the fear. All Dan knows is that as fucked up as he feels Phil still hasn't left and that _must_ be real life, it has to be. 

In his teenage idiocy Dan believes Phil may be able to fix everything wrong with him. 

He can't, of course. Phil's not superhuman. Dan just doesn't know that yet. He'll learn. They'll learn a lot about each other over the years, some good and some bad but they'll fight for it and for each other and it'll be fine. 

"Why do you even love me?" Dan asks. 

The first time, Phil didn't have an answer. This time he barely hesitates. "Because you're the only person in the world I would do anything to make smile. I was lonely and I thought I wasn't ever going to find someone that made me feel like that. I thought something was wrong with me and it was just - I didn't want to be alone, but you're still the first person I ever wanted to be with and I knew as soon as I saw you that I didn't ever want to let you go. Because I haven't even known you a year yet and look how you've changed my life, Dan. I love you so much and you're just... perfect. You're perfect to me." 

Dan rests his head on Phil's shoulder and wipes his face with the palms of his hands. He's smiling now, shaky but true. He's not fixed, but maybe patched up for the moment. "I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> [read and reblog on tumblr!](http://slightlydizzier.tumblr.com/post/144784245664/connected-by-a-feeling)
> 
> fwd all complaints to @alittledizzy on twitter


End file.
